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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {