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Our friends for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, we have each retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for some time. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was unappreciated. She really just desired my agreement with her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, but I don't think she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my self-esteem. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. But confrontation aiming for a solution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state how things go during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Consider she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. One effective method is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be effective for promoting better communication.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss your concerns, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out defensively then consider on your words. If you don't achieve a resolution, it provides closure from having been open and direct.